he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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