She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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