Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
