Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
