I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's the barista slut.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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