chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
