I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
