My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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