she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
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