So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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