And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
