Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
