So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
