I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
