can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
