Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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