Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
