The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think your dad took our porno
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
