Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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