It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
