the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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