I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
