We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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