I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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