I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
