Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
