he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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