Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
