I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
