I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
