Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize