also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
