Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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