Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
