I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
