Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
