just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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