i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
