Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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