Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
