A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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