Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
