i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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