fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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