woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
