I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
