I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
