i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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