Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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