Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He did a backflip because drugs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
