Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
