my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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