Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
