What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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