If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
