i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
