Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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