How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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