hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
