I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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