There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
