you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
