I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
