Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
