New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
