You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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