Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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