She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
