I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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