You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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