sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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