Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
