i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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