my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
