Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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