If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
