Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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